The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
