Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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