hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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