so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
