why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
