I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
