I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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