I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
