were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize