hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
