this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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