I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
