I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
