I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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