I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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