one might say we're banned from that church
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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