I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize