oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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