we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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