You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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