The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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