dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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