Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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