I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize