Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
