I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
