Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
