so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
