omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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