dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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