woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
