I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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