did you get engaged???
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
