Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize