You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
