I haven't been this sober since birth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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