I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
