My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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