Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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