ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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