walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
