My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
