Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was like eating out sand paper
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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