We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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