We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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