Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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