Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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