Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
