He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
