she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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