Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
