well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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