I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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