Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
