i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my liver is dry heaving
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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