Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
