I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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