You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
