I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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