There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
