Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
