i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
