She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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