the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
