i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
