Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
