ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
