So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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