Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
