i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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