I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize