fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
