he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
