operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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