The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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