they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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