Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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