his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
