All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk is a universal language darling
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize