I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
