ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
