You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
