I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
