some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
