I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
