She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
