sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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