Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
