I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize