would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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