I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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