Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
