I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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