Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
