you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
