u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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