He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
